"But I have this against you," says Jesus, "You have left your first love". He who holds the angels in His right hand, walks among the churches, knows the real condition of our souls, sees through all the activity, all the patience, all the orthodoxy - he tells the church that it is flawed at the center. The church has everything except the one thing Jesus deserves. "I have this against you, you have left your first love." pg 57 (top)
Reading this the last few days I have come to the slow realization that I do not know the real condition of my soul. I cannot see through the activity, through the patience or lack of, through all the orthodoxy or lack of or that I am flawed at the very center! My initial response is, "I have not left my first love!" Oh Reid, you know that the moment someone says "I haven't done that!" or "I am not that way!" only exposes themselves to the fact that they have done that and they are that way!
Jesus says that for all their hard work, patient endurance and orthodoxy the Ephesians were no longer "in love" with Him. Affection and intimacy were gone. Israel began to flirt with other lovers, with gods of the people around her. And soon she was more in love with those other gods - materialism, comfort, entertainment, financial security. She kept going through the external forms of devotion to Yahweh, yet she was no longer in love with God. Over and over again we hear God plead with Israel, calling her back: "I remember the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved me and followed me" (Jer 2:2); "What fault did you find in me that you strayed so far from
me?" page 57
Ouch that last question cut me deep! "No fault Lord! I have found no fault in you" is my response. Only to hear the Lord whisper "Then why do you flirt with these other gods - non gods - materialism, comfort, entertainment, financial security. So often I get caught up in the external devotion to Yahweh that i do not realize I have been flirting with other gods...non-gods!
REMEMBER - REPENT - REDO!
This adequately described my morning with God. And it encourages me in a sense of not being alone. I feel so wounded and raw when I realize that I have left my first love. And then I break down completely when it echoes in my mind "What fault did you find in me that you strayed so far from me? ...Then why did you leave me if you see no fault?"
ReplyDeleteMan. And with that - grace is good. It is our hope. And his forgiveness is so precious. And for months now, I have been chewing on the fact that I will stray and choose other foolish things when I lack faith. Luckily if we just ask, we receive. And faith will be ours.
Anyway I could keep going. But I just had to come back to this post and comment because it reminded me of the struggle of this morning during my devotional. Thanks Reid for sharing.
Reid, I can totally relate to the devestation you feel (I think that we all feel) in response to Jesus' question. To experience face to face our LORD asking me what he did wrong and for me to come back and spend alone, intamite time with my savior, just imagining that confrontation I feel my insides being torn into shreds and my eyes swell with burning tears. Too easily I find myself experiencing this joy and renued "LOVE" experience Johnson discusses on page 59, but all to easily I find myself begin to "flirt with other lovers" and experience the snowballing of my relationship turn to the "no way I don't love that thing, I just really like it and devote all my free time to it thats all!" excuses.
ReplyDeleteI pray that God continues to remind us that "We are Jesus' bride, married to him, REDEEMED FOR INTIMACY WITH HIM." (Page 57) And that our LORD lays heavy on our hearts to respond to the question, "what is it that makes you so alive?" with the joyous response that "I[WE] are in love. I[WE] are in love with Jesus Christ."