Jesus, are you SURE the way of the Lamb is best?

In the last week, I've been followed around by this Revelation 5 idea of "the way of the Lamb," this idea that the epitome of power and wisdom is found in the Lamb who was slain. I've been convicted of the countless times and ways I respond out of my own intensity, out of my "lion" if you will. This is wrong, I am reminded... and what is right is to respond instead by dying to myself and my agenda and responding out of a heart of sacrifice. I hear Steve via the SUP echo "heart of sacrifice = strength (strong leadership)"

This all looks real good on paper and everything... but let's be honest, we all (okay, maybe just I) look a lot better in our (my) intentions than in our (my) actions.

Tonight, I had my first really big power struggle internally between the lion and the lamb of Emily. Everything in me wanted to come out roaring over what was really a minor incident. I haven't quite come full circle to seeing why the way of the lamb is best... If I'm being honest, mostly I still think the way of the lion sounds better. So here is my dirty laundry for the day, the thoughts and internal dialogue within. I share this not as twisted "cyber gossip," but only because this is, in many ways, the same song with different words. I find myself in this place of confusion and justification more often than not.

There's this battle inside of me that says,

but Jesus, it's not fair!

but Jesus, don't I have the right to have a say?

but Jesus, I'm not changing everything just because one person doesn't like it!

but Jesus, I'm not the one who's wrong!

but Jesus, I'm the one who's right!

but Jesus! but Jesus! but Jesus!

And I hear the SUP echo, "You must be far more concerned with seeing [others] exercise their freedom and far less concerned with feeling that the full extent of your authority, knowledge, and strategy is felt and understood by your team... humility is intoxicatingly attractive."

but Jesus, do we HAVE to talk through Luke 6 again?

but Jesus, do i HAVE to pray for those who mistreat me?

but Jesus, do i HAVE to offer my other cheek to the one who's already hit me once?

but Jesus, do i HAVE to refrain from demanding back what has been taken?

but Jesus, do i HAVE to be merciful?

but Jesus, what about boundaries?

but Jesus, where do you - where do I - draw the line of sacrificial servant love with getting walked all over?

...Is there even a line at all? Am I supposed to let myself get walked all over? Is THAT "the way of the Lamb?"

No resolution as of yet. Just some annoyance mixed with anger brewing in my heart. Looking to this blog community for some insight... (and if not insight, maybe just prayer...)