Learning How to Die

So this last few weeks Christ has been plaguing me with his concept of being like the Lamb, and becoming like him in every way. When I say plagued...I mean literally plagued. Every message, bible verse, life experience has been pointing to this concept of giving myself away, dying to myself, picking up my cross, becoming nothing, and being like the Lamb. It has been an emotional journey of Christ wrestling into me what it means to surrender, humble myself, and trust in the power that is unleashed in becoming a sacrificial Lamb. Often times it seems as if I literally feel and hear the breaking of my own heart as I contemplate all that this means. My heart breaks in thinking of all that Christ went through and all that he has done in being our Lamb. My heart breaks as I attempt to follow his footsteps, realizing my own pride and heart ache in dying. Christ is working in me deeply and transforming the way I think, feel, act and see Him. In essence Christ is teaching me how to die, and revealing the power and beauty in that.


I have been thinking a lot about becoming nothing and giving myself away in everything I do (Diffintely I haven't mastered this yet, but I've had a couple trial runs). What has been revolutionary for me is that "giving yourself away" and "becoming nothing' in our service to others, is not always found within joyful and pleasent circumstances. Sometimes they are found to be in places of perscution, anger, disrespect, and brokenness. I can attempt to become nothing in service of joyful people, but it becomes difficult in service to disrespectful and harsh people. Regardless, I am called to die and love them the same. When people act out in anger, disrespect, and persecution toward me; I'm called to become nothing and give myself away to them. This is where it has been difficult for my pride, but also where Christ's power is boldly displayed. For it is in those hard situations of being the Lamb, where we represent Christ best. In fact isn't that what Christ has done for us?

I think of the night where Christ was in the garden praying, hours until the harsh stages of his crucifixion took place. He asked for "this cup" to be taken from him...he was feeling the beginning heart aches of what it means to die for the sins of the world. But He prayed out to God, "Yet not as I will, but as you will" (Matthew 26:36-46). And every moment since then Christ continually let go, became nothing, and poured himself out. It wasn't just one time...it was continually. With every moment of hardship he continually made the decision to become nothing. Every time a pharisees insulted him, every blow to his flesh, every whip of the cat o' nine tails, every step up the hill, every pound of the cross's weight on his shoulders, every hammer of a nail, every moment of laughter and ridicule, every minute that past on the cross....he surrendered, said nothing in his defense, became nothing, and continually gave himself away. Can you just get a glimpse of the power, might, and majesty in that?

And in the same way, He is calling us to do the same....ouch! It is at this realization where the pain, heart ache and tears well-up inside of me.



This summer's Barnabas team are currently going through this Sonshine Devotional and today's message hit me square between the eyes.

"II Corinthians 4:11 -"For we who are alive are always being given over to death of Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body." Death is the most vivid and thorough metaphor for complete abandonment and isolation. To be dead is to be completely detached. Christ's message and example brought a living hope to death for Christ showed that when you die His death of sacrificial love for others, your detachment actually becomes absolute communion with life. If you want to witness to dark, lonely hearts like Jesus you must die. On the cross, Christ's final exhale unleashed a chain of unprecedented events. The physical surrender of his mortal body created a spectacular, cosmic spiritual upheaval. Christ invites you to share in the immense, high stakes journey of his mission. He wants to shake the heavens through your death."

Lastly, I leave you with this song by Jon Foreman called "Learning How to Die". It is a great depiction of this inner turmoil about fighting to survive and live, but realizing all along Christ has been teaching us to die.

"All along I thought I was learning how to take
How to bend not how to break
How to live not how to cry
But really I've been learning how to die".

I could write so much more, but this is all for now. Blessings to you in your effort of learning how to die and becoming like the Lamb! Much love!